My Sweet Girl, it’s your 4th birthday and this is what I want you to know……

My sweet Sparrow Faith Harper, it's your fourth birthday, and as always, I have a few things to share with you.

When you look at the world right now, there is a lot of misinformation, misguidance, misunderstanding, hate, division, and truth be told, hurt. People tend to do as they please and say what they please without any real care or concern for others, and let's be honest, there aren't a lot of consequences.

I don't know how different it will be when you are older, and if it's up to your daddy, we will be off the grid somewhere, living off the land. But if we still coexist with the rest of society, I hope we find a way to heal all the pain and connect better as a species. We will have to wait and see, but I promise you, Mommy is doing what I can to leave a healing imprint on this world.

Some days, I wonder what the point is, but I promise you there is a point.

Your sisters are getting older and dealing with all the things teenagers, especially teenage girls, must navigate. We have a lot of talks, many of which you are present for, but you are too little yet to really understand, and so are your sisters.

Whenever I chat with them or give them one of my famous lectures that we always joke about, I reflect on things I wish I had known so much sooner.

Here are a few of those things:

Number one, and most importantly, always be yourself.

My sweet girl, I know I have told you this before, but you are a force to be reckoned with, and yet you are still so small. Your facial expressions, the way you constantly remind me that I haven't got your juice yet, and the way you take charge with your big brother and big sisters—I can't wait to see you hold the room when you are all older because I know you will.

You will never hear me say the words you are 'too' stubborn, 'too' loud, or 'too' demanding.

What you are is a tiny little girl with big emotions, and you know damn well what you want and what you don't want. You are simply trying to figure out how to navigate being human.

I see you, my sweet girl, and I will never dim your light. I am sure Gramma and Pappa saw this in me, too, and guess what? They never dimmed my light either and always let me march to the beat of my drum, no matter how they felt about what I was doing or whether others were judging them.

I am sure they are still shaking their heads at times.

You are perfectly imperfect, just the way you are, and I hope you always know that you never have to be anyone other than yourself. You will see when you are straying off course because you will feel it in the deepest part of your soul.

Please always remember that you are the most powerful when YOU are YOU, and I will always be here, in some way, shape, or form, to help guide you if you lose yourself. I get to know and watch you grow before the world influences you. I get to see you and experience your authentic being, and if you let me, I will always remind you of your roots and who you were before you thought you had to be someone else. I keep talking about this with your sisters because you are all such beautiful and unique girls with such power within you, and I never want the unique ingredients that make you all who you are, be stripped away from societal pressures.

Dream BIG, and don't be afraid to try new things, even if you fail.

The world is your oyster, but you must believe it before you can see it my girl. YOU HAVE TO.  

If you can imagine it, you can have it. But listen, things don't come easy. You must believe in yourself, and you must do the work. You must give the things you want the dedication and commitment required to achieve them.

Sometimes, this is easier said than done. Nothing I have done has been a cake walk. At times it has royally sucked. I started a master's degree when you were six months old, your brother was 3, your sisters were starting to become extremely busy with sports, and we were at the tail end of a global pandemic. To say I had to be committed and dedicated was an understatement because there were many days I could have backed out, and everyone would have understood why. It was one of the most exhausting and stressful things I have ever done, and you were right there by my side, which made it that much more complicated and beautiful all at the same time.

I wanted to throw in the towel so many times, just as I do now with private practice and getting fully registered. It is a never-ending process that takes grit, resilience, and a strong understanding of WHY I am doing it all in the first place. I am doing it for you, my girl, and your siblings, and your dad, and for myself. I am doing it because I want you to grow up witnessing people doing challenging things so that you know it's possible.

Don't ever limit your dreams, and please never settle. Try new things even when they terrify you; never be afraid to fail. There is always a lesson in every failed attempt, and those lessons are going to be the ones that lead you exactly where you need to be.

Rejection is re-direction.

This is a tough one because rejection can hurt. It can bruise your ego a bit and sometimes break your heart. Embrace challenges and never give up – don't let setbacks discourage you. These are going to be the things that shape you. When someone or something rejects you, it can feel deeply personal and excruciating. But remember, my girl, that every rejection is a nudge from the universe guiding you toward something better. It's a sign that you're being redirected to a path more suited to your true self and ultimate happiness. I know this sounds woo-woo; I once thought so too, but honey, this is the truth I need you to learn.

Not being okay is okay, and being positive is OK, too.

Remember, there is a time and place for both; sometimes, you might feel them simultaneously.

Life is truly like a rollercoaster. It sounds cliché, but saying there are ups and downs in life would be such a colossal understatement. There will be days when you are completely in love with life and in awe of what surrounds you, and there will be days when everything seems far too hard to handle. It's important to know that it's okay not to be OK sometimes. You don't have to put on a brave face all the time. It's equally OK to be positive and find joy in the most minor things, even when life is challenging, and the world seems grey.

You are strong, but it's also okay to be soft.

Strength and softness are not mutually exclusive. You can be both. Your strength will help you overcome challenges, while your softness will allow you to connect deeply with others. Embrace both aspects of your human nature, and don't be afraid to show your vulnerability. It's a sign of true strength.

Embrace all your emotions, my sweet girl, because they make you human. They are what make you, you.

Self-care is more than just bubble baths.

This took me a long time to learn. The more you can care for yourself, spend time with yourself, and get to know yourself, the better you will be. Someday I am going to encourage you to go on a three week road trip by yourself, or something like that,  like I once did.

That trip was what I needed to find myself again.

Taking care of yourself goes beyond pampering. It's about nurturing your mind, body, and soul. It's about having self-awareness, understanding your needs, and honoring them. Self-care means taking time to rest (mommy sucks at this), to explore your interests, and to listen to your thoughts and feelings. It's about finding balance and making choices that support your well-being.

 It's okay to say no my girl, boundaries are crucial AND for the love of all things holy, CRY – IT'S HEALING.

Remember this, my girl. This is just as much self-care as the rest of it. Boundaries will protect your energy, and tears are the most natural way to release emotion, supporting a healthy reset and provide much-needed healing.

Never be afraid to let them flow.

Don’t hold onto hate or resentment – forgive and let go.

I know we are going to have this conversation someday. It might look like a situation where someone has wronged you, and I am trying to explain why you don't have to carry it, and it's okay to forgive. I know you will resist this. I did too and so does almost everyone.

Forgiveness is not forgetting or excusing what was done, it is not for the other person, my sweet girl. It's for you. It's for your healing and to protect your energy. You will understand this someday, and I will share with you the times that I had to surrender and let go of the pain and the hurt.

I am a far less miserable person because of it.

Some people are complex and were placed on your path to teach you. You will encounter difficult people in your life, and they can be some of your most outstanding teachers. They will change you, test your patience, and push your boundaries. Learn from this, my girl. These experiences will teach you about resilience, empathy, and the importance of staying true to yourself.

Learn from your mistakes.

Mistakes are an inevitable part of life, and they are often our greatest teachers. When you make a mistake, don't be too hard on yourself. Instead, take a step back and look at what you can learn from the experience. Every mistake is an opportunity for growth and self-improvement. Even those moments that feel like the end of the world will pass, and you will come out stronger and wiser.

It's easy to get caught up in worries about the future but remember to live in the present. Enjoy the moment you're in right now. Your future self will handle the challenges and opportunities that come your way. Focus on what you can do today to move toward your goals, and let the rest unfold naturally.

Find your people.

I know this is a hard lesson to learn and one of the most difficult ones to navigate, but once you know your people, you will experience true love, safety, and belonging.

Surround yourself with people who love you unconditionally. These are your people. They will be there for you through thick and thin. NO MATTER WHAT.

Cherish these relationships and nurture them. Understand that not everyone will see you for who you are; you might even be the villain in someone else's story. Honey, that's okay. This is the reality of life, and as long as you are moving through the world authentically and compassionately, there is nothing you can do about how someone else perceives you. They will see you in ways based on their experiences, fears, biases, self-esteem, and also what others may have told them, truth or not. LET THEM.

This is so hard to grasp, I know.

Focus on those who do know you. Those who see the good, the bad, and the ugly of Sparrow Faith Harper and love you anyway. Stay true to yourself, and let others think what they will.

It's none of your business.

Listen to your intuition.

If you are like me, which you are so far, you will struggle to distinguish between anxiety and intuition, but in time, you will figure it out. This is the epitome of a lifelong journey, and I hope so badly that I will get the pleasure of helping you navigate this part. Once you have it nailed down, it will be your superpower.

It's no one else's job to make you happy.

When people ask me what I want most for my kids, I never say, "I just want them to be happy." Of course, I want you to be happy, my sweet girl, but I also want you to experience all that life has to offer.

If your goal is only to be happy, you will miss out.

Your happiness is your responsibility. Finding joy and fulfillment within yourself is important rather than relying on others to make you happy. This doesn't mean you shouldn't let others bring happiness into your life, but your core happiness should come from within. Cultivate a sense of inner peace and contentment that isn't dependent on external circumstances or people.

Don't lose yourself in all this…. don't let your light be dimmed, and always be kind.

As you navigate life, there will be times when you feel pressure to conform or please others. Always remember to stay true to yourself. This isn't always easy; in fact, it's one of the most difficult things you will have to do, and it's a lifelong practice.

Your unique light is what makes you special. Don't let anyone or anything dim that light. Sparrow, you are the sweetest spitfire I have ever known. When we took you for your last day at daycare last week, I felt like we were stealing one of their children. They were so sad because they loved your beautiful soul so much.

Always remember that even when it's hard, be kind, don't judge, and try not to compare yourself to others. I always remember Michelle Obama's quote, " When they go low, we go high." You can't take back words, so choose them wisely.

Kindness is a powerful force baby girl. It can heal wounds, build connections, and create a ripple effect of love and positivity. Be kind to yourself and others, just like your daddy and I try so hard to model for you. Avoid judgment and comparison, as they only breed negativity.

My baby girl, those you least want to be kind to, need it the most.

I have learned this over the years, and I try to remember that they were all tiny humans once, too. I am not naïve, and I don't put up with shitty behavior, but I always have a place in my heart for those that are hurting. If they are hurting other people my girl, they are hurting inside. I hope you understand this someday and I hope you can find that place in your heart for them too.

My sweet child, as you grow older, you will discover more incredible things about life.

Embrace every moment, be curious, and always stay true to yourself. Remember that I am here for you, cheering you on every step of the way.

Every year, I grieve each stage of you as I watch you grow. I try to hold parallel emotions throughout this journey as I, of course, want you to grow and learn and evolve into an adult, but boy, does it happen fast, and every birthday seems to show up so quickly; I have to let go of another era of Sparrow that I enjoyed watching so much.

Even by sharing all of these things with you, you will learn that they are all easier said than done, and you have free will to do as you please and to make decisions that may not seem like the right ones in hindsight, but they will be the ones that shape you. I want to give you some things to think about as you go and words to turn to when you need the reminder.

I love you, my beautiful Sparrow.

With all my love,

Mommy